7 Ways to Save a Sexless Marriage: Challenges, Causes, and Solutions

Isabelle Kirsch
Apr 9
4 min read

Updated: May 6

What Is a Sexless Marriage?

A sexless marriage is commonly defined as one where couples engage in sexual intimacy fewer than ten times a year. While sexual frequency varies between relationships, this threshold often indicates a deeper issue. Many couples quietly struggle with this dynamic, facing feelings of rejection, emotional disconnection, and doubts about their relationship’s future.

If you're in a sexless marriage, you're not alone—and there are ways to reignite intimacy and connection.

Couple sitting apart on a bedreflecting on their sexless marriage

Why Do Marriages Become Sexless?

Understanding the root causes of a sexless marriage is the first step toward healing. Here are the most common reasons:

Physical and Health Issues: Medical conditions, hormonal imbalances, menopause, and chronic pain can significantly reduce libido.
Emotional Disconnection: Stress, unresolved arguments, or lingering resentment can make physical closeness feel difficult or undesirable.
Busy Lifestyles: Work, parenting, and everyday demands can push intimacy to the bottom of the priority list.
Psychological Factors: Anxiety, depression, body image issues, or past traumas can result in avoidance of intimacy.
Mismatched Libidos: When one partner desires sex more often, it can lead to cycles of rejection and resentment. If this sounds familiar, read our guide on how to increase sex drive naturally to discover strategies that can bridge the libido gap.

Can a Marriage Survive Without Sex?

It depends on both partners' values and emotional needs. Some couples thrive with little or no sex, while others feel emotionally adrift without it.

Here’s what matters most:

Mutual Agreement: If both partners are content with low sexual frequency, a sexless marriage may work for them.
Open Communication: Honest conversations about desires and needs help avoid misunderstanding and resentment.
Professional Help: A sex therapist or relationship counsellor can help couples navigate complex feelings and restore intimacy.
Emotional Closeness: Physical touch, meaningful conversations, and shared activities can maintain connection even during dry spells.

Happy couple smiling and reconnecting emotionally and physically

7 Ways to Reignite Desire in a Sexless Marriage

Rebuilding sexual desire in a long-term relationship doesn’t happen overnight—but it is possible. When both partners are open to growth and change, intimacy can be rediscovered in surprising ways. Here are seven powerful ways to reignite desire in a sexless marriage.

1. Prioritise Quality Time Without Distractions

Desire doesn’t thrive on autopilot. When the days become consumed by work, kids, and routines, couples often lose the time and space where desire naturally grows.

What to try: Schedule regular date nights or intimate weekends—even if it's just an hour with phones off and a glass of wine together.
Why it matters: Emotional closeness fuels physical intimacy. Reconnecting as partners, not just co-parents or roommates, can bring back attraction.

2. Address Underlying Issues with Compassion

Unspoken resentments, unhealed hurts, and unresolved conflicts can act like brakes on desire. Sometimes, it’s not about sex at all—it’s about the emotional charge that’s never been cleared.

What to try: Use "I feel" statements instead of blame. Consider seeing a therapist to unpack recurring arguments or buried wounds.
Why it matters: Emotional safety is a key foundation for sexual openness. Healing relational wounds paves the way for closeness.

3. Reintroduce Physical Touch Without Expectations

When sex has been off the table for a while, even basic touch can feel loaded. That’s why it’s crucial to re-establish non-sexual affection—free of pressure.

What to try: Cuddle on the sofa, hold hands while walking, exchange back rubs, or simply sit close together.
Why it matters: These small acts rebuild physical comfort and trust, creating a bridge to more sensual experiences later.

4. Explore New Avenues of Pleasure Together

Sometimes, desire fades because sex has become repetitive or unfulfilling. Rediscovering pleasure can mean expanding your definition of intimacy—not just focusing on intercourse.

What to try: Share your fantasies, try a new setting or activity, explore sensual massage, or read an erotic story together.
Why it matters: Novelty and play spark dopamine—the same neurochemical involved in desire and pleasure.

If you want to explore personalised support in exploring pleasure and intimacy again? Book a consultation today and let’s uncover what’s holding your desire back.

Couple excited and hugging, rebuilding intimacy

5. Reconnect Through Meaningful Conversations

Deep conversation is one of the most underrated aphrodisiacs. Feeling heard, seen, and understood can open the door to vulnerability—and eventually, to sexual connection.

What to try: Reflect on your favorite shared memories, talk about what intimacy means to you now, or ask each other: “What makes you feel desired?”
Why it matters: Emotional intimacy is the fertile ground where sexual desire often grows.

6. Create a Low-Pressure Environment for Intimacy

When sex becomes a “should” or a source of tension, it’s no longer something to look forward to—it becomes a performance or obligation.

What to try: Agree to spend time exploring each other’s bodies without the goal of intercourse. Think of intimacy as a spectrum, not a finish line.
Why it matters: Pressure kills pleasure. Safety, presence, and permission to say “yes” or “not yet” help desire return naturally.

7. Seek Support from a Sex Therapist or Relationship Coach

Sometimes, you need guidance from someone outside the relationship. A sexologist or therapist can help uncover patterns, shift dynamics, and offer exercises that get results.

What to try: Book a few sessions with a certified sex therapist or couples counsellor who specialises in desire issues.
Why it matters: You don’t have to figure it all out alone. Expert support can bring new insights, tools, and hope to your journey.

What a Sexless Marriage Doesn’t Mean

A sexless marriage doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It doesn’t mean love is gone. And it doesn’t have to mean the end of the relationship.

With understanding, patience, and support, couples can move through sexual droughts and come out even stronger. If you’re feeling stuck, remember: working with a sexologist can help you uncover what's really blocking desire—and offer practical steps to reignite your connection.