Why Can’t I Orgasm? 6 Reasons Women Struggle to Climax (And What Helps)

Isabelle Kirsch
Apr 21
4 min read

Updated: Apr 24

Struggling to Orgasm Even When You’re Aroused?

Reaching orgasm can be an incredibly satisfying part of sex, but for many women, it remains just out of reach—even when they’re mentally turned on and physically aroused. If you find yourself getting close but never quite arriving, you’re far from alone.

Difficulty reaching orgasm is more common than many realize—and it’s not a sign that something is “wrong” with you. Whether you’ve always struggled or it’s a recent development, there are ways to understand what's going on and change it.

Let’s explore the common causes—and what actually helps.

A Client’s Story: When Trying Harder Stops Working

A client, let's call her Hannah, in her late 30s, came to me feeling frustrated. She had enjoyed a fulfilling sex life in the past, but over time, reaching orgasm became harder—even though she still felt aroused.

“It’s like the more I focus on getting there, the more it slips away,” she said.

In our sessions, we uncovered a key block: control. The more she tried to orgasm, the more disconnected she became from her body’s sensations. She wasn’t broken—she was just stuck in performance mode.

With guided exercises, mindfulness practices, and communication tools, Hannah began learning to tune into her body, rather than chase a goal. When she finally let go and softened into the experience—her orgasm came naturally.

6 Common Causes of Difficulty Reaching Orgasm

1. Psychological Factors

Stress, overthinking, body image concerns, or past sexual experiences can all interfere with climax. Anxiety and pressure to perform can keep your nervous system in a high-alert state, making it difficult to surrender to pleasure.

Guilt, shame, or trauma around sex can also cause you to dissociate from the body—just when presence is needed most. The more you pressure yourself to orgasm, the harder it becomes. Instead, focus on curiosity and connection.

2. Medications or Health Conditions

Certain medications—especially antidepressants—can dampen your sexual response. Hormonal imbalances, chronic pain, or nerve issues may also be involved.

If you suspect a medical factor, consult a GP or healthcare provider. The Mayo Clinic has a detailed guide on how various conditions can affect orgasm.

3. Performance Pressure

The expectation to orgasm—either from yourself or a partner—can kill the mood. Pressure shifts your focus from sensation to outcome, disrupting the flow of pleasure. Even well-meaning partners who check in constantly can create added stress.

In fact, research from the Journal of Sexual Medicine suggests up to 80% of women don’t consistently orgasm during sex. A 2015 Cosmopolitan survey found only 57% usually do during partnered sex. You’re not alone—and you’re not doing it wrong.

4. Emotional and Relationship Factors

When emotional connection is missing, orgasm can feel out of reach. Trust, safety, and emotional intimacy are essential for many women to feel open enough to fully let go.

Couples who build regular emotional check-ins, affectionate touch, and conversations about intimacy tend to experience more satisfying sex. If you're feeling distant, consider rebuilding intimacy outside the bedroom first—then bring that connection back into your sex life.

5. Sensory and Physical Preferences

Everyone experiences pleasure differently. If you're used to a specific kind of stimulation—like vibrators or a unique masturbation rhythm—other types of touch might not work the same.

Explore beyond intercourse:

Clitoral stimulation: Often the key to orgasm, but explore soft, firm, direct, or indirect touch.
G-spot stimulation: Can bring a deep, full-body pleasure.
Perineum and anal areas: Packed with nerve endings that heighten arousal.

Want more tips? Tune into this episode of “How to Improve Your Orgasm” with sex educator Emily Nagoski.

6. Past Experiences or Conditioning

Unconscious beliefs like “I shouldn’t enjoy this” or “something’s wrong with me” can stem from early messages around sex or negative experiences. These internalized narratives often stay hidden—but they shape how we respond to pleasure.

Working with a sexologist can help you explore and shift these patterns in a safe, supportive way.

How to Improve Orgasm Naturally: What Actually Works

Here’s what can make a difference:

Let go of control. The more you chase orgasm, the more elusive it becomes. Shift your focus to presence and sensation—not performance.
Address stress and anxiety. Try mindfulness, breathwork, or guided relaxation before or during intimacy.
Enhance foreplay. Slow down. Let foreplay be its own experience, not just a step toward the main event.
Communicate with your partner. Talk about what feels good. Don’t assume they know.
Experiment with new sensations. Try different types of touch, positions, or toys without pressure for a specific outcome.
Seek professional support. If orgasm continues to feel out of reach, therapy with a sexologist can open new doors.

What Happens in a Session with a Sexologist?

Many people feel nervous about seeking support for sexual difficulties, but sessions are designed to be a judgment-free, supportive space.

Together, we’ll explore:

Your unique sexual history and beliefs
Emotional or mental blocks that may be showing up
Tailored tools such as body awareness exercises, mindset reframing, or partner strategies

Whether you’re struggling with mind-body disconnect, emotional shut-down, or performance anxiety, you don’t have to figure it out alone.